Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
