when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
