dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
