i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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