...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
