I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
