youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
