While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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