I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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