Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
