yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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