Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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