I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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