Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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