well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she pinky promised me she was 18
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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