You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
