Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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