high people should be assigned attendants
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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