bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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