I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
