I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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