As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
