he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
did you just send me my own nude
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
