then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
