i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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