I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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