how can u be prego again
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize