one two three fourrrrnication!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
