hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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