ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
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