The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
