Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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