Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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