Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
