and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
