"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
