in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
