Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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