whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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