You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
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Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
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I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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