Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
