1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
