i just google imaged poop.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
