his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
