All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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