im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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