P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
