So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
