tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize