I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
