this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
