I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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