I will die if light touches me.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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