We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
