You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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