She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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