Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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