Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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