I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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