He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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