you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
