Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
