That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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