I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
