Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
one might say we're banned from that church
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
