a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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