You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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