I hate all girls vehemently.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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