did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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