Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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