bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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