the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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